raspberriesandcream from Red Lodge, USA

I have always been attracted to strong women. This very day, mere hours ago, my wife of twenty years, Sonya, drove away from this very house, here in Montana, to be with her new man Bruce. Sonya is a strong woman. She held me together for twenty years and now she's finally left me today. I feel lost without her. I knew I would. I have had 3 months to prepare for this loss and I'm afraidfailed miserably. I of course couldn't be strong and step aside with grace; I instead begged her to stay till the moment she drove off. It's true, I ache for her but also, by forcing myself, I have become excited about the possibility to meet someone new. In the 1980's I lived in Chicago, Illinois. There, I fell into friendship with a small group of Russian and Lithuanian people. I found their company and the adventures we had to be quite amazing. I found in them a passion for life I had not experienced before. They were just being themselves, they were just being Russian and yet their ways, and their personalities and their accents seemed intoxicatingly exotic to me. These Russians had a way of looking at things that was refreshing to me- like cold, fresh air in the face and lungs after being in a stuffy house and they expressed themselves in a very honest and direct way but there was also always, just under the surface, an element of mystery and hidden Russian coldness that could descend any moment and chill me to the bone- put simply, they were exciting and charming. About a month ago, to help me escape from my sorrow I began to fantasize about the perfect woman? I have long considered my Wife to be the perfect woman. My one and only woman but since she is in love with someone else; I have no choice but to think differently or at least have a harmless fantasy to myself about meeting a lovely Russian girl. It was a lovely fantasy which I expanded to a veritable romance novel, an imaginary story in my head. The name of the girl in my story was "Anna". I don't want to tell the story here but the truth is; I fell in love with "Anna" but unfortunately she is not a real woman. That is what brings me here- to search for my Anna. My name is Patrick. I am (shhh) 56 but I am very young looking still (I hope there is a way to post pictures here). I live near a small mountain resort town called Red Lodge, Montana, in the northwestern US. I rent a lovely, old log home which is situated along The Beartooth Highway, just a stone's throw from Rock Creek. I have an indefinite lease on the house and I am getting it very cheaply. I have a business that has been running slow but still keeping my head above water. I have no savings. No investments. I have a 2008 Prius which is nearly paid off and a houseful of the things I accumulated during my marriage. My whole life for too many years has been my work and my family. I don't have many friends although I am a very charming and engaging. I have led a reserved and selfish life believing I didn't need people but the reality, I crave to get out of myself and my house and meet some new people. So to recap: I am old, poor and friendless- let's hook up. X Pat

I don't believe in ideal matches. I believe in good people doing good for and to each other. I believe there has to be a spark between a man and a woman. I am a handsome man. I have been with maybe 50 women in my life and even though I had good sex and some fun with most of them, I have only "sparked" with two and one of them says she never "sparked" with me or at least the spark went out ages ago. I am looking for a spark and I don't know in what woman I am going to find it or whether she has blonde hair or black, whether she is heavy or thin or old or young. I do want to believe that she is indeed "Russian". X